in love with a narcissist.

 

Honestly though. This is going to be a personal post (which will probably end up getting deleted, since that’s what I usually do when drunk).  Just looking up traits which indicate that someone has narcissistic personality disorder, I was left flabbergasted. I wonder how I did not see this sooner. I knew he was arrogant, but I find it fascinating how every single trait applies to him. Just a list;

  • Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
  • Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
  • Exaggerating your achievements and talents
  • Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
  • Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
  • Requiring constant admiration
  • Having a sense of entitlement
  • Expecting special favours and unquestioning compliance with your expectations
  • Taking advantage of others to get what you want
  • Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
  • Being envious of others and believing others envy you
  • Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner

The problem still remains. If one has failed to recognize all of this before they have fallen in love with such a jerk, how can one get rid of that love?

Especially when you had been so blinded by it, that you did not even realize that the person was blatantly using you. Another list (a very personal one), which should illustrate just what I mean;

  • For the months that we saw each other, I always went to see him at his place. Across town. And whenever I tried to change this, he would just refuse to do anything about it. Being the silly fool that I am, I continued going over to him
  • He forgot my birthday. That is, if it wasn’t for facebook, he would probably not even have remembered, except that I had mentioned the date to him several times beforehand, so he had no justification for forgetting it
  • Actual setting from my birthday party – he arrived drunk and incredibly tired (fine, he had been working a lot that week, but he only had to be in the party mood for one evening). Within 20 minutes he was passed out on my bed, but he made sure to point out to the friends that I had not yet introduced him to, that we were just sleeping together (a joke, but really?)
  • Finally, what pisses me off the most, I’m leaving the country in two weeks and we haven’t seen each other for more than two weeks now. And it’s not for a lack of trying on my part. And once again, I get that he has to work, so doesn’t have a lot of free time, but it’s the fact that he arranges to meet me and then cancelled at the last moment (without even an apology) or just did not say anything at all. So I can only assume that I will not see him before I leave, since I refuse to arrange any further meetings

I’m aware that this list looks horrible and any sane person would have told him to fuck off immediately, but like I said fucking love. And also there were moments in between all of this which were so lovely, that it was easy to focus on them and ignore the bigger picture, which now that I have written down makes me nauseous. Which is why I need advice on how to get over it. When you’ve devoted so much of your time to thinking about a person, how can you not think about them again? How to forget the nice parts of this affair? How can one live like a normal human being again? (particularly when one already has an obsessive personality by default)

Any advice will be much appreciated x

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