This may be too personal, even for a rather anonymous blog, but I just cannot hold my emotions inside my head and heart. And I just filled up my notebook, so until I find a new one, I need this space.
‘Late Night Musings’- could not be more accurate.It is currently one o’clock where I am and I am indeed musing. About love, mostly unrequited, but as an idea as a whole. Freddie Mercury understands me when it comes to love. He can go from ‘I Was Born to Love You’ to ‘Love Kills’ in a heartbeat. And that’s precisely how it works. It tears you apart when you least expect it.
Then you are just pieces of who you could be. Pieces which want to assemble in a way that could please the person who threw you away, who broke you. Irrational as it may be, it is entirely involuntary and demeaning.
The part which confuses me the most is that each time when I have fallen in love, in a way which screws me up for months or years, is that I did not know the person very well. I hate that, because it means that any serious relationship I may have is doomed from the very beginning. How do I know this?
Because after two and a half years of being in a relationship, I can still sit and cry night after night about a love I had to leave behind a while ago.