The Limits of My Control.

The night is always still,
As I listen to my own anxious breathing.
Thinking if I should make the effort,
If I should take the first step.

All those lessons,
Which were passed on to me,
“He will never love you if you let him know,”
Vanish from a mind consumed.

The first step?
We are beyond that.
This has become a game we play,
In which I want you, but you.

You are not honest,
There has been no answer.
Once more I find myself,
In the same trap, the same heartbreak.

I tell myself that I should not try,
I control myself when I want to try.
The control crumbles each time,
When I think of you not being around.

You are not the one,
A lie I tell myself.
Because the truth smothers me,
Reality being my eternal nemesis.

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